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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27065593">don't be afraid to jump then fall</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/cottonmatcha/pseuds/cottonmatcha'>cottonmatcha</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Insecurities, M/M, Post-Time Skip, atsukage, friends with benefits troupe, past!oikage</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 21:56:03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,000</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27065593</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/cottonmatcha/pseuds/cottonmatcha</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>it was rough start for two people with insecurities but they would figure it out together</p><p>kageyama and atsumu would make sure they got their happy ending</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kageyama Tobio/Miya Atsumu, past! Kageyama Tobio/Oikawa Tooru</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>123</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>don't be afraid to jump then fall</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>whew this is the start of me trying to make chaptered fics :D</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Atsumu should have known that agreeing to Bokuto’s idea wasn’t the best choice. It could be fun at the beginning but most of the time, they would end up in complicated situation, whether it was getting scolded by Iwaizumi or being chased by media for their reckless action.</p><p>Japan lost in quarter final of Olympic and ironically got beaten by Argentina who had a Japanese setter in their team. Few days after the match, Bokuto suggested that everyone should drink their sorrow away by going to nearby bar. Atsumu didn’t remember how but Bokuto managed to get everyone to agree with him, even Ushijima as captain agreed even though in one condition: they weren’t allowed to drink until blackout. They got away easily most likely because Iwaizumi was too busy to handle interviews from the media that he wasn’t able to check on their antics like usual.</p><p>It was almost midnight but the bar was getting crowded as more people just arrived to have the time of their life, to dance to the music and get drunk until they couldn’t stand on their own. Atsumu scanned the room in interest and his eyes landed on Kageyama, who was sitting alone at the bar. The others were probably dancing their ass off on the dance floor or finding a way to get laid by wooing hot strangers.</p><p> </p><p>“Tobio-kun, y’want to drink anything?”</p><p>“Uh, I don’t… Do they have non-alcoholic drink?”</p><p> </p><p>Out of all his teammates, Atsumu didn’t expect Kageyama to tag along with the night out activities. He was the typical of good kid who always followed the rules. Back in their high school days, he remembered calling the black-haired setter as goody two shoes to tease him. Strangely, the more he got to know Kageyama, he realized that the other was naturally goody two shoes off the court. This was meant in good way and not an insult.  Even if he was surrounded by crazies like Hinata and Bokuto, being obedient and well-behaved were just part of him.</p><p> </p><p>“So, you can’t drink because you have low tolerance or you’re simply too afraid to get drunk?” Atsumu grinned when Kageyama shifted in his seat. “Loosen up, Tobio-kun. We all come here to have fun.”</p><p>“Uh, okay.” Kageyama eyed the colorful bottles on the shelf.  “What kind of drink they have?”</p><p> </p><p>The timidness in Kageyama’s voice was amusing to Atsumu. On the court, Kageyama was confident and able to control the game the way he wanted. Once he stepped out of the court to deal with social interaction, he became an awkward and timid person.</p><p> </p><p>“Let me order for you, okay?”</p><p> </p><p>Kageyama nodded without objection. Atsumu couldn’t help to snicker at how obedient he was. If innocence was a human form then it would be Kageyama. Sometimes Atsumu fantasized about corrupting that innocence but it was not as easy as saying ABC, not when the person was his junior, his teammate and also someone who he considered as friend.</p><p>To be honest, Atsumu didn’t like innocence, being a good person who follow the rules to was boring and felt like a vulnerability to him. Imagine not be able to do something you wanted because you were too scared. He preferred a challenge in life, the more daring action that showed he wasn't weak. But when he looked at someone like Kageyama, a simple kind person who dedicated his life for volleyball and obediently followed all the rules, it was hard to think of him as vulnerable and weak. He managed to turn something that Atsumu disliked as his strength, to keep himself as good person and surrender to the concept of innocence.</p><p> </p><p>“Here. It’s margarita.”</p><p>“Huh? Sounds like a name of pasta.” Kageyama inspected the glass with skeptical expression. He glanced at the older and Atsumu encouraged him to drink it. “Thanks.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsumu was aware that it was Kageyama’s first time at bar and most likely his first time to try alcoholic drink too, but still he didn’t expect the other just chugged the Margarita in one shot instead of slowly sipping on it. He immediately looked around, making sure that no one didn’t see what just happened. He would get hell from everyone if he got caught teaching inappropriate behavior to their baby setter.</p><p> </p><p>“Tobio-kun?! Slow down!”</p><p> </p><p>As expected, it was too much for Kageyama. The moment he lowered the glass, Atsumu noticed that the younger was flushed red down to his neck. Was the margarita too strong for him? Or Kageyama’s alcohol tolerance was just too low since his belly was too used to milk?</p><p> </p><p>“Uh ‘m thirsty.”</p><p> </p><p>The slurred reply from Kageyama only made Atsumu panic even more. Ushijima had reminded everyone to drink responsibly and not getting wasted. The public’s eyes are still on them even after they failed to bring Japan to next stage and as public figures, they still had to maintain their image at the end. Being drunkards was for sure, not a good look. This wasn’t the first time they went out to drink and caused a trouble. They managed to dodge paparazzi several times and if they weren’t lucky, Iwaizumi would always save their ass.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, let’s just go back to hotel before you pass out and people notice who we are.”</p><p> </p><p>The music was getting louder as the night went on. While the night had started for the others, Atsumu decided that leaving with drunk Kageyama was the best option. He didn’t care about his reputation since people knew him as part of resident trouble makers with Hinata and Bokuto but Kageyama was another issue. Despite his intimidating scowl and awkward smile, Kageyama was known as good person with clean records.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re heavy.”</p><p>Kageyama was far from small and he was as tall as Atsumu. Dragging a 188cm adult wasn’t an easy task especially when the person was barely conscious.</p><p> </p><p>“Stay awake. If you pass out before we get the cab, I will be doomed.”</p><p> </p><p>They managed to get out of the bar without a problem. Atsumu bumped on Hinata earlier and the latter only laughed, telling him that Kageyama couldn’t drink at all. He checked on his phone and it was almost one in the morning. Taking a look at his surrounding, some stores were still open as they still turned on the lights but the street was vacant. Compared to crowded and loud bar, it was really quiet.</p><p> </p><p>“…wa-san.” Kageyama mumbled, the words were gibberish and Atsumu just passed it off as drunk talk as he helped the younger to walk. They had to go to main street to find a cab.</p><p>“Oikawa-san, miss you.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsumu halted his steps. He glanced at Kageyama who was now snuggling closer to him. The name that came out from the other’s mouth was familiar. Wasn’t it the Argentina’s setter, Oikawa Tooru?</p><p>He knew that Oikawa was also from Miyagi, Kageyama’s hometown. Atsumu never met him before the Olympic but he heard about him a lot. Iwaizumi went to same high school with him apparently and Ushijima wouldn’t stop saying that he should have gone to Shiratorizawa. Hinata once said that he was a Grand King or something and he was sure that Oikawa was Kageyama’s senior before.</p><p> </p><p>“You miss Oikawa?” Atsumu tried to dig out more. He didn’t know what kind of past between Kageyama and Oikawa but he couldn’t help to get curious.</p><p> </p><p>People were usually being honest when they were drunk. All this time he thought that Kageyama was only interested with volleyball. The media often asked him about lover but he shrugged them off by answering that he was only focused on getting better at playing volleyball, which was ridiculous because the man was already a monster on the court.</p><p> </p><p>“Mhmm.” Kageyama suddenly circled his arms around Atsumu’s neck, pulling him down with his weight. “Oikawa-san. I love you.”</p><p> </p><p>Before Atsumu could process the words, Kageyama kissed him on the lips. It was just a light press of lips, no tongue or biting. That ended as fast as it started because the younger started crying all of sudden.</p><p> </p><p>“’m sorry for taking your spot. Don’t be mad. I love you.”</p><p> </p><p>The black-haired man hugged Atsumu tightly. The sobs were muffled against his shoulder. Shocked was understatement for what he felt right now. Witnessing Kageyama’s vulnerable moment was something he never thought of. He used to think that the man was someone who didn’t care about love, but he was wrong.</p><p> </p><p>“Tobio-kun. ‘s alright. Let’s go to the hotel and take a rest.”</p><p>“Don’t leave me again, please.”</p><p> </p><p>Arms that circled around Atsumu’s neck tightened, Kageyama didn’t want to let go. He probably still thought he was Oikawa. “I am not leaving you, okay? Let’s go.”</p><p>“Will you make love to me again?”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Again?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>The voice was small but Atsumu could hear it clearly. He still didn’t know what was the relationship between Oikawa and Kageyama. His assumption was they broke up already based on Kageyama’s drunk talk. Another surprising fact was that Kageyama wasn’t as innocent as he thought.</p><p> </p><p>“Tobio-kun. I am not Oikawa, I am Atsumu.”</p><p> </p><p>Few seconds passed by and there was no answer from Kageyama. Atsumu thought the boy just passed out completely and probably would forget all of his drunk talk in the morning.</p><p> </p><p>“If there’s no Oikawa, can Atsumu-san make love to me?”</p><p> </p><p>His mind was suddenly clouded with lust after hearing what Kageyama said. Maybe it was the effect from the alcohol he had earlier or maybe it was just his need to get laid and Kageyama was here, inviting him. Atsumu wanted to taint him, to corrupt him. He knew it was hard to corrupt innocence but it was easier when that person wasn’t really innocent to begin with. After all, Kageyama was still a human being, where pure innocence never existed within their kind.</p><p> </p><p>“I will give you all the love.” Atsumu whispered against Kageyama’s ear, hand slowly running down his spine. The gentle touch and husky voice made his body shiver. “If you give me your body.”</p><p> </p><p>Kageyama bit his neck as the answer. No more talking after that.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>###</p><p> </p><p>Atsumu draped the blanket over Kageyama and sighed, his gaze focused on the ceiling as the younger slept beside him. They ended up having sex or what Kageyama called as ‘making love’. What was he thinking to take advantage of his drunk junior like that?</p><p>It was just temporary lust for him, he wasn’t planning to lead Kageyama like this. He wondered if Kageyama would forget everything in the morning, which was he hoped he would. Love wasn’t something he could give to him, not now, not soon.</p><p>Innocence. Even after he managed to taint Kageyama, he still felt like the black-haired man was innocent. The way he reacted to every touch, the way he cried as Atsumu thrust into him, the way he sobbed against the sheet, the way he gasped in pleasure, everything seemed so pure like it was his first time, like it was Atsumu’s first time.</p><p>He thought about many forms of innocence, like those lilies on the table. Kageyama was more valuable than those lilies, so that made him wonder, was he bad for corrupting that innocence?<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>The movement beside him caught his attention, he watched as Kageyama stirred awake. It was still too early and he wasn’t ready to face him. The guilt of tainting him was still too strong that he didn’t have courage look at Kageyama.</p><p> </p><p>“Atsumu-san?”</p><p> </p><p>No reply because Atsumu didn’t know what to say.</p><p> </p><p>“I remember what happened.”</p><p> </p><p>Shifting his gaze, Atsumu’s brown eyes met Kageyama’s blue eyes. He looked tired, probably from their activity before but there was a hint of smile. The scowl wasn’t present as serene expression took over his face.</p><p>Atsumu didn’t have the heart to say that it was just a mistake, one-time thing, or he didn’t meant it. He didn’t have the heart to ruin that relaxed expression on Kageyama.</p><p> </p><p>He didn’t know what to do.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I typed this slowly bcs I broke my right thumb ;; first chapter is pretty short but next will be longer. I am planning to update it weekly, can be faster when I am productive. kudos or comments are appreciated ;D</p></blockquote></div></div>
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